To Be Or Not To Be ……. Married Forever.

Marriage translates love into live action. Choosing marriage usually means making a life choice of fidelity and commitment. Being with the same man for thirty years has its downside but the pros outweigh the cons by a mile.

The fact that I love him is the most obvious reason to be married, but many a friend has questioned the floundering states of their long term marriages and I find myself playing counsellor and guide. The reasons to make it work go beyond the morality and heavenly vows.

Staying married is the most practical choice, however unromantic that sounds.

History: You have grown up together. The person knows your core, your nuances, the youthful you. Nobody can replace the value of that knowledge. As we grow older, our barriers increase and our masks slip into place. Explaining the history of yourself is just a narration, not a shared experience.

Passion: This is an area which seems to disturb most people. We have had those crazy days filled with ardour. The order changes and so have we. Passion has been replaced by a comfort zone that feels like home. A new romance will bring passion, temporarily. That too will change. There is no guarantee that the new relationship will last the distance. Our bodies are older. We are older. It is time to get wiser and realise this.

Family and friends: There is a bond created over years of togetherness, after much adjustment. The in-laws, the children, the friends. A lot of compromise and caring has gone into building these relationships. Giving up on your partner involves losing many of these equations.

Readjustment: As we age, the capacity for tolerance and compromise deteriorates. We get set in our habits and behaviour. Reinventing the wheel with someone requires loads of effort and it just seems harder, the older we get. Imagine having to deal with the irritating habits of another person all over again.

For better or for worse: This is one of the primary reasons to work things out. As time progresses, we see an increasing amount of tragedy, ill health and loss. The relationship has lasted the distance and at the final stretch, one needs the security and support of the partner more than ever.

Marriage is about companionship. It is about acceptance. It is about being the sounding board and the punching bag. Stay in love. Tweak your definition of love to embrace the sort of deep caring which only evolves over a period of time. Just because you love someone, does not make you immune to temptation but the grass is not necessarily greener out there. If you are with a good person who loves you, you are truly blessed. Watching the silver in each other’s hair is the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. Do not let the threat of a few dark clouds steal the enduring beauty of marriage.

Alisha “Priti” Kirpalani is the author of “A Smattering Of Darkness: Short and Shorter Twisted Tales,” a collection of short stories of varying lengths encapsulating the grey shades of the human psyche. Her new novel will be released later this year.

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